Emmy Appleseed

The Street

As children, the first thing we learned about a street is how dangerous it is to cross one. You must first find someone, preferably an adult to hold hands with whilst crossing.  Second, locate a crosswalk. Third, if you are really lucky, there will be a kindly larger woman there with a STOP sign and will make traffic stop so you can proceed along your childlike way.

I’m not sure what the holding hands precaution offers when there is no adult present. Seems to make one a bigger target potentially endangering that sap that agreed to hold your hand. And what if you can’t find a crossing guard? What is one to do then? Teeter on the edge of the curb until the proper authority figure presents herself?

Not fucking likely.

So we learn to cross streets (kind of) but what about actually walking down them? Well that is where the ever popular “Don’t talk to strangers!” advice comes in handy followed closely by “Don’t eat gum off of the ground, bench, table, etc.”

Basically, insulate yourself from your environment. And as a kid, it’s not bad advice. Stay safe, cuz there are weirdos out there. The trouble is, those kids tend to retain this same framework well into adulthood.

An air-conditioned life, free from interaction with undesirables, whether they be people, hand towels, sushi, or public transportation. The view from the freeway may be smoggy, but it’s sure as hell safer than the view from the sidewalk.